When I was 32 months old my family was involved in a horrendous auto accident.  My mother was killed.  My father and my brother as well as myself survived this accident.  This happened on my younger brother’s first birthday.  It was very difficult for my father as he was then left with two babies to take care of alone.  He moved in with his parents and leaned on them for emotional support for the next few years. 

 

About three years after the tragedy, Dad met a nice lady through a mutual friend and very quickly proposed marriage to her.  She accepted and they drove from Los Angeles to Yuma, Arizona and were married one weekend.  When they returned from Arizona they continued to live with my grandparents for about two years until they were able to construct a home of their own.  We then became a family and my brother and I were very comfortable with our mother as she was really the only mother we could remember as we grew up. 

 

My Dad had very little religious convictions, having been brought up with nominal background in the Methodist Church back in a farming community of the mid-west.  My step-mother on the other hand was raised in the Mormon Church out on the Indian Reservation before moving to the L.A. area.  She used to tell stories of not seeing a white man before she was a teenager, out side of her immediate family. Her parents were Mormon stock, both having a long line of pioneer heritage which they, and she were very proud of.

 

As she took on the task of raising two small boys, she felt compelled to provide them religious training which was, as I later realized, out of a sense of duty rather than one of devotion.  During all the years of my growing up in the Mormon Church, I believe she, or my dad never attended church but a hand full of times.  I believe my dad was mostly neutral when it came to religious matters but she had a sense of duty when it came to my brother and me.  She was a wonderful mother and I will always consider her “Mother” because she was all I ever knew. I never had the feeling that we were not her children. She was a strong disciplinarian but always with love. 

 

My brother and I were baptized at age eight, received the Aaronic Priesthood at age twelve, and the Melchezidec Priesthood at age eighteen.  We were indoctrinated in all the LDS doctrines and actually felt very proud of the fact that we were “different” from the world around us.  I must say that this training, especially the teachings of the “Word of Wisdom” were very instrumental in keeping us away from strong and negative influences during our high school years. I’m certain that we avoided many situations that could have taken us down the path to a number of troubles.  So many of our peers were having all sorts of run-ins with alcohol and sex problems but we were spared these challenges, I believe, because we had developed the convictions of Mormon doctrines. 

 

I remember going to a high school banquet and asking a girl who was not a Mormon to be my date.  I guess I was not quite strong enough in my beliefs that I would refuse to associate with “non-believers.” She told me she was a Baptist and now I’m sure she was not aware of how different Mormons were.  While at the banquet a cigar was passed around the room and everyone was expected to take a “drag” on it to show unity within the school class.  I remember getting cold chills as the cigar approached where I and my date were sitting.  What should I do?  When it came to me I passed it right on to my date stating that I did not smoke!  She took it and took a big drag on it and said she would never live it down if her brothers heard she was not a part of the crowd.  This was a most embarrassing moment at the time but later I felt proud that I had stood for my convictions even though I was laughed at the time. 

 

When I graduated high school I went to work and had no thought of attending college. I was married two years later in the Saint George Temple and my wife and I attempted to live as faithful Mormons. Two children came along and we were able to be in our own house in the San Fernando Valley.  As time passed we began to question what we were being taught within the church and were not able to join the many who would bare their testimony by saying they “knew Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God and that the Book of Mormon was true.” We began asking questions about some of the beliefs we were hearing, especially the notion that we could become Gods some day if we were faithful.  We were always told to pray about it and God will give us peace and a testimony. 

 

As time passed our marriage floundered and eventually ended in divorce.  It was this time in my life that I felt everything was going bad and I continued to question the Mormon teachings but still could not get satisfactory answers.  I would go back to my step-mother and she was very vague in her answers and soon I was not confident in how she would handle my questions.  She actually tried to avoid my inquiries and I knew she had little knowledge or conviction concerning LDS teachings.  It was a religion for her but not an honest belief. Over time she would even criticize some of the practices of the church.

 

About two years later I married again, to a non-Mormon, (a Baptist) and we established a home with her two children and my two on a visitation basis.  Moving to a new neighborhood we were introduced to a Christian family next door.  They invited us to a Bible study they held in their home and we accepted.  I thought I might find some help in sorting out all the questions that were going through my head concerning God and “religion” in general. 

 

One evening while at this Bible study we were studying in the Gospel of Mark and I cannot remember specifically what we were discussing but the subject of Mormonism came up.  One of the ladies there made the statement, “Mormons are not Christians.”  I was taken back by her seemingly strong conviction of what she was saying.  I remained quiet as I had not revealed my LDS membership and I just stewed within.   When we went home my wife and I had a long discussion and I only became more confused.  I made a resolve to prove the statement I heard to be false and set out on a study of my own in the Bible. 

 

Unfortunately, I grew up with the understanding that the Bible was not really trustworthy in many areas. That one could not base their total beliefs on it or trust it alone, but one needed the wisdom of modern day prophets to guide their thinking and search for God and the Gospel.  At this Bible study I was learning differently.  These people had conviction about the Bible and were demonstrating peace in these convictions. This was something I wanted so I listened closely to how they believed and explained the Bible scriptures.  Until that evening that the lady made the shocking statement, I was beginning to see the differences in what I had been taught. But, though I was not of the “same faith” as these neighbors, I did consider myself a Christian.  

 

Over the next several months I delved into Biblical scripture, did a lot of praying asking God to show me the truth and became more confused.  I was finding that the Bible said I was a sinner, something I had never heard from my LDS teachers.  I was finding that I was lost and was destined for destruction and Hell because of the wrong in my life.  I needed a Savior!  I began to see that I was not on my way to becoming a God but was on my way to Hell and eternal torment.  I soon began to see how God loved me and did provide a way for me to be saved from this ultimate destruction.  I also was getting answers to my many questions which I could never get from my LDS teachers.  I found that there were solid, believable answers to life’s deep questions and that I did not have to trust in what a mere man was teaching as I soon realized that God had provided His Word for a guide for my life.  I could then see that Jesus Christ was the Lamb of God and had come to earth to give His life as a sacrifice on my behalf.  I confessed my sin and received God’s gift of eternal life and was baptized that very night.

 

I could see that I was not a Christian in the biblical sense because I was attempting to follow a man, Joseph Smith (and subsequent prophets) instead of Jesus Christ.  I was actually a “Smithite” rather than a Christian.  I could see that just because the name Jesus Christ is in the name of the LDS Church did not make Mormons Christians! A Christian is one who follows and trusts Jesus Christ for their life and eternity.  I no longer was trapped in a system that taught I must work hard every day and hope I was doing enough to please God and would someday receive a reward.  I now knew I was secure for eternity not because of what I might do but because of what Jesus Christ did for me.  I now could love God and serve Him not to earn His approval but because I loved Him; because He first loved me and gave Himself for my wrong-doings, my sin. I finally found the peace I had been searching for so long